i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
