I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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