I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
