That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
