i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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