I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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