So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
