Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My vagina is very pro this idea
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