Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
