I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
