i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
