I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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