Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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