Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
