Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
