thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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