Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
