She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
