Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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