Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
