I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
handjob tips. give me some.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
