There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
