Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm eating all of the evidence.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
