Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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