mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
