Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
