i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
