i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
