i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
