I wish I could punch you in the face.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
