I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
