Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
