I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I have post one night stand depression
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