My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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