that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
