Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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