I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
