apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's just like the Real World with babies
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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