Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
