Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Where is the hickey?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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