I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
