I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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