Please, let me fuck your mom
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
