Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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