bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
