I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
