my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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