I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
