got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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