There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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