remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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