Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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