Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
