Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
