C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
