there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
