he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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