Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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