shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
