It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
