I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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